


Instructions Unclear

by raendown



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 03:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18842779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raendown/pseuds/raendown
Summary: Madara should know enough by now to be clear about what he means when speaking with assholes like Tobirama.





	Instructions Unclear

Surreptitiously checking to make sure his best friend was occupied, Madara lifted the hem of his sweater to pull out his phone and check for messages. His lips has just turned down in an irritated scowl when the screen lit up to display one new text from Tobirama.

T: _Why should I know where he is?_

The scowl deepened. Ducking behind a potted plant to avoid Hashirama’s gaze, Madara held the phone in both hands and furiously tapped at the bottom of the screen, cursing when he had to go back and fix the spelling for half the words. Stupid thick fingers not working with the stupid small keyboard on his smartphone.

M: _He was supposed to be out with you today!_

T: _I’m not your brother’s keeper._

M: _You’re his best friend!_

T: _So?  
_T: _We don’t have the same unhealthy codependent relationship as you and Hashi._

Madara curled in to himself with helpless irritation, only aware he was doing it when his nose bonked in to the device he was trying to craft a vicious rebuttal with. He couldn’t help it. There was just something about Tobirama that never failed to make his blood boil in one way or another. Usually more one way than the other but his angry overreactions covered that up fairly well most of the time, thank gods. The bastard didn’t need any more reason to be smug when his face was already permanently stuck in a distractingly attractive smirk.

When he popped his head around the massive plant Hashirama was still facing the same boring painting as before, off in his own little happy world in the dumb museum. Madara pulled out of sight again and erased the half-formed message he’d been about to send.

M: _He’s not responding to my texts._

T: _So stop texting him._

M: _Fuck you!_  
M: _Just help me find him!  
_M: _We’re supposed to be going out of town this weekend and I need to get the plans straight!_

T: _I don’t know what you want me to do about it.  
_T: _This is your problem._

A quiet snarl echoed around his little hiding spot and Madara realized the phone was getting too close to his face again but he didn’t care. He knew Tobirama knew what he wanted! The bastard was just playing dumb on purpose!

M: _Stop being stupid._

T: _Be clearer with what you want._

M: _Help me damn it!_

T: _Instructions unclear, dick stuck in a toaster._

Without a single thought for where he was Madara screeched, his cheeks burning and his fingers only just managing not to respond to his instinctual response of throwing the very expensive smartphone away from himself. He was suddenly very glad that they were having this conversation over text rather than in person because that was probably exactly the sort of reaction Tobirama had wanted to get from him with such uncharacteristic words.

The heat in his face increased tenfold when Hashirama’s face appeared around the plant he’d been using for cover, brows pulled together in an expression of deep concern.

“Madara, are you okay? I heard you yell. What’s wrong?”

“Nothing! Fuck you!”

“If you’re not feeling well you could have said something; we can go if you need to.” Hashirama reached out to touch his arm but Madara jerked away from him and frantically shook his head.

With a huff stepped out from behind the plant and pulled Hashirama back over to the painting he’d been admiring before. “Just yammer on or whatever about your dumb art. I’ve got to, uh, text someone.”

Just like that Hashirama was distracted again for Madara to take a few deep breaths and calm himself before lifting his phone. He stared at the open screen for a few seconds, reading over the last text, then hit the lock button and looked away when he felt his cheeks heating up all over again. That was an image he was going to take a while to get over. Maybe he should wait before responding. Almost as soon as he had shoved the phone in to his pocket, however, Madara closed his eyes and prayed for patience as it vibrated to signify another message coming in.

Dread filled him as he pulled it back out but it was only Izuna’s name at the top this time.

I: _What did you do to Tobirama?_

M: _Nothing!  
_M: _Why haven’t you been answering me!?_

I: _He’s nearly pissing himself with laughter. What did you do?_

Praying for patience was apparently useless as Madara felt rage filling him up again. He never noticed the snarl that rumbling out from between his teeth, nor did he notice Hashirama’s chatter cutting off as his friend gave him another worried look. All of his focus was on typing out the first comeback that came to mind.

M: _You tell that jackass that I’ve got something else he can get his dick stuck in!_

I: _YOU WHAT????_

Feeling rather like his soul had slipped away from his body, Madara very carefully locked the screen again and slid his phone back in to his pocket. It vibrated several more times but he ignored it. Whatever those messages said he did not want to know. When the vibration pattern changed to that of an incoming call he ignored that as well just as easily as he tuned out Hashirama’s concerned questions about why his face had gone so pale.

Plans for this weekend could wait for later. Maybe if he tried very hard he could spontaneously combust before he had to face Tobirama again.


End file.
